I am Beasley Green and I confess to feeling a little bit dirty. The acrid scum-stain of hypocrisy is smarting in my mouth as I type these words because it feels like ego-porn. I can actually feel a hint of whiplash from the abrupt u-turn I’ve taken by subscribing to this blogging malarkey. You see, I have a thorough contempt for the contemporary culture of the vapid, self-absorbed, reality TV ‘star’, the Tweeter, and the social-media-poster-of-incessant-inane-personal-trivia – WHY DO YOU THINK I CARE!!?? But here I am, a random stranger in cyberspace offering up my opinion on the world we live in and the human creatures that inhabit and shape it – WHY DO I THINK YOU CARE!!?? Maybe I don’t think you care. Maybe it’s just a compulsion; a need to throw my pebble in the pond to try and stem the flow of utter shite gushing forth and threatening to demean every single higher attribute of humanity by pummelling our every sense with inane distractions via a small, corporate, cartel of pop-media moguls. A cathartic need to simply vent my spleen and have a platform to air my grievances with the world. Or perhaps I am just another self-absorbed ego-whore spreading my legs for the world to enter and I don’t even realise it. It could be any or all of these things, but one thing I promise you, unless you are totally illiterate, my musings, rantings and ramblings will be funny, insightful and thought provoking. They’ll probably be a little bit offensive too, but hey ‘sticks and stones’ and all that. If you are illiterate, then you could read with a dictionary and thesaurus by your side, but the literary momentum will probably be lost – but hey, God loves [laughing at] a trier! And I’d love to have you along for the ride anyway in the hope that you will improve your mind and your vocabulary, and have a smile along the way.
So what will I be blogging about? Well I guess you should know a little bit about me to help you understand my perspective on the world, but I’m not going to tell you. It’s not about me. Lord knows there’s enough pretentious, posturing cocks out there who get paid good money to tell you a load of shit as directed by their editor, press officer or producer. No, I’m going to remain relatively anonymous so that you literally ‘take it as read’. I may sound sexist or racist at times, but I can assure you I am neither; I’m an egalitarian and exercise an equal opportunities policy in my misanthropy. My mother is a woman, as is my sister and my daughter – and I believe at least one of my nephews too – and I love them all.
As far as having racist views, well that is impossible; my father is an Afronese-Celt whose Japanese mother settled in Ireland with my African grandfather, who was an RAF pilot during the bombing of Pearl Harbour in WWII. My Scandistani mother was the daughter of a Swedish explorer who married the woman who cared for him when he got lost on an expedition to Kathmandu (he got very lost). What that makes me is probably unpronounceable, but I reckon I tick every box – the main one being that I have dark skin. All those other boxes are just there to make sure that institutions aren’t seen to be racist, otherwise there would be more ‘mixed’ categories aside from the ones that involve the mixing of pigmentation – but lets save that for a blog one day eh.
As far as my age and background are concerned; well lets just say I’m young enough to misbehave and old enough not to care. I have traversed the spectrum of socio-cultural experience and have learned life lessons that are priceless. As I write my blogs, touching on things as diverse as sport, fashion, religion, politics, philosophy and the threat of the New World Order, you will come to know me and maybe even love me. I don’t really care that much because we will probably never meet, and to quote Frank Skinner, “You can spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, but at the end of the day the turnout at your funeral will be largely dependent on the weather” – or whether you can get a day off work.