Random Add’s of Madness – Phantom Friends on Facebook

This is a cautionary tale about accepting anonymous friend requests on Facebook. It is copied word for word, although the names have been changed to protect the idiot. It all started off when… let’s call him ‘Shaun’ requested Facebook friendship with someone he didn’t know, hadn’t met and didn’t even introduce himself to via email, yet took great offence to being added to a group. ‘Shaun’ decided to air his complaint on the group’s page – now he wishes he hadn’t. Facebook Gold…

Shaun: ‘Please don’t add me without asking – This group is all about you I don’t right care to much for self-centred people. Cheers…’ [These are direct quotes so excuse the grammar]

Not really a pleasant thing to say to someone you don’t know; someone you had the courtesy to include in your cyber world. Besides that, when I read it I’d had a bad day, so I replied… ‘Dude, I don’t even know you, you added me! The page is about Manchester not me. I don’t like self-centred people either; I also dislike people who make judgements based off… well based off nothing really [see: “I don’t even know you”]. Have a camomile tea, listen to some Lisa Shaw, India Arie or Kate Bush – just relax and play some music eh, I won’t dare to interrupt or intervene on your Facebook experience ever again :-)’to which Shaun replied…
Shaun: ‘Pal all the post have got your name at the top — and I play my tune all the time — Maybe some hacking going down Don’t know bro I can’t check I have left the group – but all post had your name on bro’Now remember this ‘bro’ hails from the seaside town of Blackpool on the Lancashire coast – not a culturally diverse metropolis such as New York, London or Manchester… By now I’d driven home in rush hour traffic, and I know I was probably being a bit mean, but ‘bro’! No…! No you didn’t Shaun, you didn’t….‘Pal? Bro? I don’t know you from Adam! You’re one of many random strangers who want to ‘add’ me on Facebook, usually because I’ve been known to spin tune and promote the odd night over the years. Or perhaps it’s just because they think I’m ‘cool’ and I’m associated with other ‘cool’ people and they think by some kind of social-networking-cyber-energy-transference they will get some ‘cool’ too. I don’t know, I can only guess, but I add these strangers (some of whom actually introduce themselves and become friends), then I add them to my groups. There’s no ‘hacking going down’ lad, just promotion. I don’t know whether you noticed down there in your dying little seaside town, but Steve Zuckerberg and co just sold the IPO for this monster for about 100 billion dollars. Do you think people paid that so that they could look at your garden Gnomes, uplifting pictures and quotes and your colourful tattoos of record label logos? Of course they didn’t. Aside from keeping up with what your real friends are doing and sharing the occasional jokes and banter with people – FACEBOOK IS FOR ADVERTISING SHAUN! Maybe you think I’m over-reacting, but let me explain something to you Shaun; self-centred people are pricks; I’d even go as far to say they are absolute cunts. I don’t like being told I’m ‘self-centred’, especially by some random cyber-pal who knows nothing about me and doesn’t even have an image of his own face on his Facebook profile pictures; a random stranger who actually requested to be added to my little Facebook world (incidentally, ask yourself why you did that and I think you’ll find it was for selfish reasons). Furthermore Shaun, I don’t need you to be putting that response on the public forum for XXXXXXXXX. That is my company and that forum is there for people to find out things about Manchester that will encourage them to come to Manchester and hopefully use the service on offer. Is that wrong Shaun? Would you like me to come to your shop on XXXXX Road and paint on the window… ‘These paintings are shit. The whole icon black and white shadow image was done to death in the Noughties – move on and get an original idea you boring twat’? Although there would be more truth in that statement, it would still be pretty fucking rude wouldn’t it? Shaun, I don’t know who you are – and I suspect I don’t want to – but next time you have an urge to express your umbrage at being added to a group that you don’t like, do yourself a favour and just leave the group instead. And be thankful that I don’t copy and paste this whole exchange on my page, as my friends and readers do enjoy my rants, and I like to share them because I am a sharing person Shaun, not a self-centred one.
Cheers ;-)’After I’d sent that message my mood lifted a little and felt that I’d been a bit harsh and had indeed over-reacted. Then I got a reply. And it was with some caution that I opened up his message…

He replied [verbatim]: ‘Get fucked pal I don’t you from Adam in fact I never even rook time (he could have been of oriental persuasion!?) to look at your bullshit like you have mine and I’m not – Cos your a self-centred cock Full stop – do one mate’
He couldn’t look because he was blocked from seeing anything apart from this wall… Hello Shaun 😉
 ‎…now he’s blocked me from messaging him back, I’m gutted ;(
So there you have it boys and girls, be careful who you let into your Facebook family, there are some sensitive souls out there and they collect garden Gnomes.

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